Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
