This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a search helicopter?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
