You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
