Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
