aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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