You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
