How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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