yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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