I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
