She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
