Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
