am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
