u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
