If that was your dad, he is hot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
