NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
