Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize