Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
