I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
