lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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