You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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