Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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