Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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