Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
