1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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