im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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