Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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