Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
