dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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