Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
