it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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