Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
