I can't watch pbs sober anymore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
