love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
