And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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