imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
