you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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