I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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