Its about making memories worth repressing
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
