I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We named our party play list daddy issues
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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