# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
