I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
