It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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