you traded sex for a burrito?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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