Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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