Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's the barista slut.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
