plz talk dirty to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
