considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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