I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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