i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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