i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
