I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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