i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
