girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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