i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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