and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
