You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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