I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
