it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize