Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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