great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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