there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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