evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
MIDGETS
????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
