I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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