Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
