My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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