Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
