Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
