I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
