11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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