i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
