I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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