It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
