my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
