Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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