new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
