I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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