I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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