Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
