You made me cry and you don't even care
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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