I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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